I really don't know why I even bother any more, all people seem to do is forget. All I seem to be doing now is burning, and watching the flame that is my life dwindle in to nothing, with no one there to care and feed the fire.
I don't know why I don't automatically expect to be let down or have to remind people about plans now, though the disappointment of having to do it again and again is getting really old now. It just seems that all the important parts of my life are in a different fucking country and although all they provide is music and kind words, it seems to be all I have at the moment. One of my good friends is miles away, another near impossible to get hold of and the last I haven't seen since Christmas and keeps changing plans to meet.
I know a part of this could just be me being over-sensitive as per usual, but a lot of this has been building up for some time, and I know that if I keep it in much longer, I am just going to shut myself away with my music and my friend in another time zone. I am fed up of trying to be the perfect person in peoples life; always being there to help, always doing as I am asked, and what for? For my own mother to forget my birthday last year (my first away from home), for my sister to forget about plans that involve her own birthday present, my dad forgetting agreeing to come with me to get my first years results from university, to constantly be let down by friends and to be told by someone it took long enough to trust that they don't see a future with you. It takes a lot for me to trust people, and I don't know why I even let people in now, all they do is let you down.
For once I just want to be happy with my life and where it is heading, instead of always doubting myself and everyone else.
